on the bathroom floor

Back from Wole Soyinka. What a guy. I wished I'd paid better attention instead of letting external thoughts keep running through my head. Walked around the area and was thinking about how romantic it was where they hung lots of pretty lights on the trees and where the full moon was shining and the water was so colourful. It's always a really shortlived kinda feeling as everyone knows.

I've evaluated the trends of my life and so many things are just boiling beneath the surface I can't take it anymore. I guess this sorry post is aimed to make you feel better. I'm a human being and naturally enjoy complaining about my life. Deal with it, God. Isn't that how you wanted it?

I'll never be as cool as the rest of you. I'll never be as edgy. I'll never be as smart. I'll never have a best friend. Probably never get a pet who won't run off to another owner. I get sickening verbal constipation when talking to people, who wants to talk anymore? I feel almost as emotionally backward as some characters I read about, I feel pathetic because I can only listen to songs and feel but never experience. I need to grow up, because I still think people can make up after fighting, I still have faith in thinking everyone can be friends if they only understood. This obviously isn't true at all, and I'm going to [adjective] be left in the dust if I don't adjective get with it.

So go ahead and have fun complaining about how you screwed parts of your life up and are 'picking up the pieces'. My life is so adjective blank I have nothing to feel about anything. So cry about how your relationship failed, how he bloody broke your heart. I've never even been close to having one at all. Feel upset over how they're picking on you. They don't even know I exist. Cuz I'm always the one you can trust, and ultimately the one you can forget. The one who'll always help you patch things up with someone else, any problems with me aren't worth patching up at all.

I don't know what I'm here for. Is this some kinda joke? What about the people worse off? Is this some really stupid sadistic joke you're trying to crack? Not amused at all. You want me to believe in what you do? Then why don't you freaking show it and quit being such a bloody coward. Emotional blackmail. I can't even swear at you because apparently all that I've been given is from you. I almost hate you so much for doing this. Why.

You're making life so hard to get on with and give up on.