on the bathroom floor

Letting the numbness sink in.




See how little sense that just made. Bro just left for NS today so it's just gonna be me. For 2 years. I'm really missing CHELC big time. I'm just missing EVERYTHING, period. It's really hard dealing with some changes when you're just imagining the future stuck with it...god I'm so sorry I'm being so sad lazy sounding but these headaches after school are really draining.

Well on the bright side, like Crystle said, things could be worse. Things are actually okay but it's just that last year was so great and it's just damn hard being fully contented when you know what you don't have anymore.

I'm going to be honest and say that even the VA lessons, my happy place, my safe place, my escape is starting to feel distant to me. I'm not used to Mr. J teaching drawing. I miss Mr. Khiew a lot. I feel like last year, I was in control of things and suddenly this year someone stole everything from me. I miss my old VA class so much. I know there's no point thinking about the past and whining about this and that but I'm human too so just freaking let me.

I don't know if I've ever blogged till I cried before. If not then this is it. I'm so upset that I can't deal with this change. I'm so upset that I'm missing so many things and I'm so upset I'm still feeling like this at this point. I am so angry with myself for feeling so far from VA just because my class changed and feeling constantly ignored because I'm not striking enough, because I'm shy, because I'm not amazingly pretty, because I'm not anything that is ideal. But isn't that how the world is? Huh. Silly me.

I'm sure you're just sick of this sad talking so I'll stop. I don't want to talk about this ever again. Hopefully not. I'll shut up about this. O2 is awesome and I am content. This year will be good. I will be happy, this year will be great.