on the bathroom floor

They make getting promoted to year 3 sound like a hard thing. They make it sound like 50% of us aren't going to. They make it sound like something else we should worry about.

I guess we all took getting promoted to the next level for granted. I guess it seems too foreign that you don't get promoted. Maybe we should tell ourselves that not getting promoted really happens. And maybe I should stop talking like this.

I'm trying very hard to motivate myself to stay focused and do well. I've forgotten how to separate my school life with my...actual life [?] and I don't want to have to pay the bitter price because of not trying. It's really hard. Like a jumpled pile of pins with different coloured tops. I'm trying to scrape the red pins to one side to leave the black pins alone. Or maybe they're magnets. I'm trying to push them away from each other, far enough they won't even think about sticking no matter how they twist and turn.

Enough fooling around. Enough daydreaming during class, enough thinking about band tees, enough hogging the com, enough stopping by borders for cds/fun, enough tossing time around, enough punk'd...

S'gonna be really hard...

It's time I push myself back into shape. Holidays are long over! Time to learn, time to read, time to be serious whether you like it or not. I never liked the idea of force study and I think we should all be happy and free souls dot dot dot. I feel like I've surrendered when I start studying but I can't help it. There's always something in me that pulls me back whenever I stray too far. Something that tells me to stick to the rules even though I think they're unnecessary, something to talk some good sense into my head when I'm feeling over adventurous.

And now it's starting to pull me back again. Say hello to the dreaded no-funner me[Well at least during lesson hours]. Moral of the story: Being scared half to death is the best motivation to work hard.