on the bathroom floor

Wow. It's January. Again. But now it's 2008. It's like we've gone full circle. And why am I full-stopping everything? Okay, nevermind. We didn't exactly do a count down yesterday night so I just went to sleep at around 11 something. Yeah I just wasted a good day to celebrate but I don't really care since it isn't really 'official' as other countries are celebrating it a different time from us. So I went to sleep, didn't fall asleep immediately, and spent the first half and hour or so thinking...'it's 2008....now! [5 mins later] No. It's 2008....now!...'until I fell asleep. And when I woke up today, I couldn't believe it was January again. January again! January and only 15 days till my birthday where I'll be 14. Sounds cliche and lame but time just flew by!

It's like a movie. Scene 1 you see me waking up from bed on Jan 1 2007. You drag the little bar and you see the scenes go whooozzz by and pause at Jan 1 2008 with me waking up from bed again and it seems as if nothing happened at all and the whoozzing was just...whooz and nothing else. It's really amazing. But of course, the whooze has made me change a whole lot, which proves that we really never stop changing. From P6 to sec 1 I thought I couldn't change anymore and now I'm changing again. However, change all the time isn't always the best, if you are pushed by others to change. It's hard to stay the same while you're watching everyone around you changing slowly. In the end, we let go and we change ourselves. I've heard the song 'Everybody's Changing' a million times, but now I'm nodding and nodding as I sing along. Yeap...everybody's changing and I don't feel the same.

Tomorrow is our official first day of school. Part of me is glad and part of me is wishing I could have just one more day. After getting rid of school for a while I saw how sleepy my life is, but I get to do more things I enjoy in a laid back manner and without feeling guilty [which I do all the time]. When school starts, our lives will be more 'eventful' [or so to speak] but it comes with all the stress and school work and exams. So I guess there are pros and cons in both situations. I'm quite okay with school starting tomorrow actually. It has to come one day. Just face it. We can't escape it, so here it is.

My dad asked me if I have made any resolutions for this new year. My mind just draws a blank everytime I think of a single resolution to make. Sounds horrible, but I just don't care anymore [Another aspect of me that has changed I guess]. I seriously don't know what to do, what to get, what to try to achieve. I feel weak in everything that I choose. It sounds careless to say that I will just 'take whatever life gives me and go step by step' [with no goals and no targets]. But I've suddenly turned goal-less. [I see a few disapproving glares]. Well, I guess it's by time I start making goals. Simple goals. Let's see...

I want to: Make sure that I do what I'm supposed to do in Sota and take VA seriously [but make it fun of course]. Be able to play the solo part of SMBH [um. whoops. But one year should be long enough right? I'm not thaat lousy am I....?] Put in much more effort in maths and do better. Don't fail Chinese. NEVER neglect JEB. Ever. Be more fit and drag my butt off the couch to the gym to excercise more. [And lay off the choc]. Swim at least 10 laps everytime I go swimming. Don't hate NAPFA and try my best for it without sulking [and try for gold again if possible]. Completely stop/Minimize illegal music downloading and buy the damn cd [whoops]. Actually count all the way to 10 when I'm pissed off and going to explode [don't stop at 2]. Shrink a potato chip bag in the oven without starting a fire [serious]. And of course, do well in school. Don't have to be number one but just try my best.

Wow. That's a bunch of goals for a goal-less person. Probably more that I didn't mention. What a shocker.