on the bathroom floor

Yesterday was awesome. Wen and I got signed up for the Rock Academy to improve our noobish skills at the guitar. Every room in the school was named by a rock band [cool!]. I saw Muse[!!!] and went a little crazy. They weren't surprised since they knew I loved Muse, and GAH I wanted to keep the whole door!! We were supposed to pay the registration fee and I didn't know that we had to pay it there and then. So I was pretty much short of cash and silly me forgot to ask my mom just in case before she left. And so, we have to make our way back there this Wednesday again to pay the fees. I really don't mind though. My holidays are spent rotting as I've said before, so anything's better.

On to the BBQ at the chalet...The three of us spent the most time locked in a room in the chalet chatting about the weirdest [who cares] topics ever, as well as playing a stupid yet enjoyable 'boredom' game we invented during info when the seniors ignored us. Unfortunately the weather was pretty temperamental so the BBQ had to be delayed slightly. After the grey clouds started to drift off slightly we made our way down. It was around evening time and the air was really very cooling.

We went to stand on this rock formation at the shore, and damn that was the happiest moment I had in ages. When you just look into the misty horizon and little waves lapping over the shore, you just want to escape everything. Just leave all your worries behind and let loose. We stood there and started proclaiming our friendship to the sea in loud and piercing screams. I have no idea of when I've felt so free and relaxed before. I felt like I lost myself completely, found a whole new high and never wanted to come back. We were telling each other about how this was the crossing line of our lives. In front we see freedom, serenity, getting away from all these stupid and unnecessary stresses like results, peer pressure and other shit we get all the time. Then when we turn around, reality snaps back to us. The lights are there, the people are there. There's no way but to go back. Go back to everything. Go back to our boring and uneventful lives. The effect the sea has on you...it's undescribable. We just stood there, the three of us. Talking, losing track of time...The sky was like this vast painting. The dark clouds came back but we didn't mind. Half the sky was a dark shade of blue and the other half was bloody red. Magnificent. Standing at the shore was like a few minutes of heaven. Maybe like a small taster. We quickly walked back realising how long we were standing there, and as we did, the drizzle started to turn into rain, and we turned into screaming little girls frantically running back to the BBQ area. I was just...seized by ecstasy. I was happy.

Why? Why is it like this? Why are we trapped? [Please don't mind me] After the holidays are over it's back to school. Back to work. Back to studying. I always thought mugging just to get results was stupid, then why do I realise that I've been doing so much of that this year? I feel upset that results have the power to render us helpless and feeling sorry about ourselves. Some people just base their lives on results, some parents [thank God not mine] pressure their kids to do well. Just shut up would you! You're draining us of our lives. I don't know why I'm being such a sucker and ranting like this but I'm just frickin hell sick of all these irritating things we have to go through. We're stuck stuck stuck. I hate studying. I hate it. I hate peer pressure. I can't stand it. I hate arguing with people for the dummest and most trivial matters ever. I'm sick of studying so damn hard just to find out that it means nothing.

But what can I do?

Face it. This is the reality that we're stuck in. Don't be a wimp and just deal with it, maybe you'll find more purpose than you sought. After so much whining and wallowing...surprisingly, I feel fine.