on the bathroom floor

Oh God I'm feeling really down right now. We didn't get to watch a movie. Instead, we got the usual course with a bitch of a trainer who was a total pain in the arse. We even got homework. Homework during CCA. WTF is wrong with this place? For God's sake it's the last day of CCA this year, and the last freaking day for me.

I don't wanna try to be nice any longer. Why should I be nice when he's just going to shun me? Everytime I hold it in it gets worse and worse. I don't give a shit about him anymore. Maybe he should do some reflection on how he's been treated and why. What does he take me for anyway? Some dumbass punching bag, absorbing all his blows? Cuz that's what I've been doing. He deserves eveything he gets, or should I say doesn't get. He won't even listen to what people have got to say. Everyone else is always wrong isn't it? You're the smart one, we're the idiotic asses, screw us! All hail to you then. I'm not gonna waste my time trying to play nice. I'd rather ignore such people.

I miss my old trainer so much. She never had that screwed-up, devious and sneaky smile on her face. She laughed with us instead of shouting. She never gave pointless assignments just to piss the shit out of us and enjoy the look on our faces.

I'll miss my info friends. It pains me to leave my own sisters, and that's what's getting me down the most. I spent the last CCA day I had with my best friends doing a retarded course which was supposed to be a movie. Well, it doesn't matter. I don't care what I do, as long as I do it with them. I dare to be me with them. I can be anything I want with them. I don't feel constrained or pressured.

At least we know it won't be over that easily. It sounds stupid and hopeless but I know this friendship will last. I've never loved any friends as much as this. Now I feel so lucky. I feel lucky that I have sisters I know I can turn to. I feel lucky that I am wanted, no matter how stucked-up and obnoxious that might sound. Most of the time I feel pretty much worthless around others, but with them, I feel like I actually belong.