on the bathroom floor

Ahyes! The weekend is finally here. Unfortunately most of us are going to have to crammmmm for our 3 science modules. I didn't do really well for the chem common test, so looks like I'll have to buck up.

I'm getting a little pressured for getting a scholarship for School of the Arts. It looks like I have to go for another interview and make another portfolio. I don't know how I am going to do this. Well, I've gotta try. Although we don't really have financial difficulties, it would save my parents a whole ton of cash for my school fees, not to mention the amount of money I can get as an allowance for supplies. Unfortunately it really isn't easy to get. I have to present my portfolio and describe the art pieces along with my inspiration. I hate the last part. I don't get inspiration. I just do whatever I feel like doing, period. So how am I going to put this during the interview?

I used to borrow some portrait drawing books and I've been practicing a lot of portrait drawings with pencil, finally getting the eyes right. I happen to find that it's the hardest facial feature to draw. Well, I basically ripped a few pages off the silver screen siren issue of urban and started sketching, and they came out quite well. I feel extremely embarrassed for my horrible drawing on the greenboard though. It looked like some preppy myscene doll, with no facial bone structure or proper proportions. But a pencil's a pencil and a marker is horribly FAT. Everything I write or draw in marker comes out like crap. The pencil is still my best buddy. Nice, fine, easy to work with and easy to shade.

Heard some rather distressing as well as depressing news today. So many of us have led our lives so easily, and even the most trivial little matters bother us, but we fail to realise that perhaps other people are going through problems which are much more "large-scale". Life is just so easy for some people. Some people think that they are exceptionally mature. No one is good enough for them. They are just surrounded by a bunch of idiotic kids. They are too quick to judge. Everything you are at school is quite different when you are at home. I could be submissive in front of everyone but someone totally crazy at home. Isn't that true? As far as I'm know, no one really knows me, and I'm pretty sure I don't know them too. They say things that hurt so much and they know it but don't care. They have double-standards. Unaware that some people might have feelings too. This world is so complicated. I've met so many different kinds of people. People I once looked up to but now have lost my trust and respect in. People that I have grown to admire even more. It's hard to remain tight-lipped all the time. No doubt, it takes a lot of my self-control not to burst out screaming comebacks.

Let them keep going if it makes them tick. Let them try to put you down and demoralise you all they want. If that's the only way they'll feel better about themselves then let them go ahead. Let them say whatever they want. Just don't stir up a tornado. Seal your lips before you say something you'll soon regret. I shall live by these rules.

Anyway. I'm feeling quite positive now. I'll definitely be kept busy working on my portfolio for the scholarship after the review tests. Life is opening so many opportunities for me. I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's no matter how sad and pathetic they think it is. I'm not going to be judged. School of the Arts has been a blessing already. I want this so bad and I'm not going to let it slip away.